How I Really Feel About Having a Third Baby

It would be a disservice for Laura to simply say “I’m so excited!” about having a third baby without being honest about alllll the other feelings that go with it, so listen in to hear the real and raw truths (and also, the excitement).

Listen on Apple Podcasts: Click here

Links Mentioned

New Mama Nation Community FB Group
Laura’s Instagram
Ep 16: Epidural vs. Natural Birth: My Two Experiences

Transcript

You’re listening to The Love & Lettuce Podcast, episode number 19. I am giving you a little deep dive behind the scenes of my brain and my heart today. I’m going to tell you how I really feel about having a third baby. So stick around and we will get right into it.

Hey, this is Laura Lima, holistic nutritionist and founder of New Mama Nation and host of The Love & Lettuce Podcast. I am here to help mamas know what to eat to give them energy and help them feel fantastic so they can better enjoy life with their littles. And remember, this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not replace medical advice from your healthcare provider, and is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition. As always, please consult your healthcare provider to find out what is right for you. With that said, let’s get to the show!

I’m pregnant with our third baby!

So yeah, if you have seen my social media lately, well meaning my Instagram or my husband Miguel’s Facebook (if you happen to know us behind the scenes here), you have seen that we have announced our third pregnancy.

Our third baby is arriving!

Due to arrive, scheduled to arrive July 1. We all know that is a guess date, not a real due date, because when is a baby ever born on their due date? I know it happens, but it’s very much a guess. And my first two babies were well past their due dates, and I ended up having to be induced, so who knows what will happen.

But yes, so excited that I can finally say it, you guys! I am 19 weeks pregnant at the time of this recording, and I haven’t been able, well, “haven’t been able,” because we’ve chosen not to say a word on my podcast and on social media. And I mean, hello, this is New Mama Nation! This is our community of mamas, so it’s been really hard not to share this and to just give more of my thoughts and more of my experience with this third pregnancy.

We bought a van…

So I’m so excited to be able to do that moving forward. We were just waiting, you know, the standard 12 weeks at least, and then, funny story, we bought a van, which in itself is not funny, I guess. But it kind of is. We have always been an SUV family, and we just thought, like, even with two car seats in the SUV, it is tight. My husband’s knees – and it’s not even like he’s super, super tall – his knees are like right at… because I always am the driver because that’s how we just like it. So in the passenger seat, his knees are like kissing the dashboard, basically, because the car seat behind him has to be, is like, so big. And it’s just crazy. There’s just no space.

And so to think about having a third baby, like, no, it literally wouldn’t work with the type of car seats we have. We’d have to buy three new narrow ones… just wouldn’t work.

So we always knew we wanted to extend our family. Have a third baby, maybe a fourth??

I don’t know. Definitely a third. So here we are. And we said, okay, we need to get a van. So we’ve been waiting to announce this until we got our van because we wanted to incorporate the van into our announcement somehow. Just the fact that, yep, now we’re a van family, and oh, this is why! But we didn’t do that because we just couldn’t figure out what we were going to do.

So I’m so excited also that we now have a van. It’s a Toyota Sienna. I am in love. Yeah, I am in love with the space and the comfort. So just go for it if you’re thinking about a van. Oh my goodness, it’s amazing.

Anyhow, we decided to, even though we now have the van, and we said okay, we don’t know what we’re going to do with this announcement, so we just ended up doing a fun dance. We did one that went on to Miguel’s Facebook, and if you’re in my Facebook community, my friend, the New Mama Nation Community (search for it in groups on Facebook), you would have seen the video that I posted. So that’s what Miguel, my husband, posted on his Facebook, and I put that in our group. It’s just a fun little dance, you know, Oops I did It Again, Britney Spears, because if you know me, you know Britney is a part of me.

And then from my Instagram, we did Everybody (Backstreet’s Back). Oh, yes. And we incorporated the other kids with it (well, I say the “other kids” because I’m talking about this third baby), but our two kids, Ellie and Maggie, were incorporated into that video. So if you want to have a look, I’m on Instagram @lauraannlima, and you will see it there.

How I really feel about having a third baby

So today I want to talk about how I really feel about having this third baby come into our lives in a few short months. I can’t believe it’s already February. Oh my gosh, I’m thinking whoa, July is coming. Anyway. So yeah, because of course, my overall thought, my overall feeling, is excitement. I’m so excited.

We had planned to have this third baby, and when it happened, we were just like, oh, my goodness, it’s happening. Like you still can’t believe it, even though you’re planning it. And if you’re not planning it, like either way, it’s just like, oh my gosh, but there are these other thoughts that I have, other anxieties and other feelings and emotions that are coming up that I’m like, okay, let’s go through these and figure out, you know, how to, not get past them, but how would you work through them, so that I’m fully ready for when this baby comes. And I want to share those with you.

Because I mean, I haven’t heard a lot talked about a lot of these things. And so let’s be real, let’s get into my brain, let’s get into my heart. Let’s do this.

The Logistics of having a third baby

So now, the first thing, and this is in no particular order, but the first thing on my list that I wrote down is, I’m thinking about the logistics, the logistics of balancing all the things and all the kids. So we’re talking housework, and when I say housework, the main thing I mean is keeping the house tidy. Because if you know, you know, the playroom, wherever the kids play, it’s just insane.

You have to clean it every single day if you want it to be tidy. And I’m also talking about the dishes. I’m talking about the kitchen. The constant dishwasher filling up, emptying and putting away, doing the dishes and letting those dry. Putting them away and oh my goodness, plus all the other stuff. And then there’s the meals. And there’s the snacks. I’m thinking about the logistics of oh, all those things plus breastfeeding basically 24/7, and being available for that.

My Biz

I’m also thinking about my business. And I mean, right now Mags is napping, very reliably napping. I mean, she might wake up early, but she probably won’t. If it’s a “normal day” for her, she will sleep for two hours. Ellie is downstairs right now watching a YouTube show with Miguel, who is on the couch with her. So I know that I have time to record. And usually, I like to record podcast episodes first thing in the morning when everyone’s sleeping.

So I’m just like, well, with a newborn, you just don’t know. It’s just not reliable. I mean, I know they sleep all the time, yes, but like, what if she wakes up when I’m recording? I know, that’s the thing that you’re like, well, you would just stop and re-record later. But it’s like, all the logistics of not just recording podcast episodes, but planning and figuring out, just figuring out all the things to do with the business, and when am I going to do them?

I’m Still a Wife

So that’s a really big thought in my mind. And also, in the same thought is, I’m still a wife, and I want to be a really, really good wife. I don’t want to just go through the day and go through the motions, which I definitely find myself doing because listen, I’m a mom. I’ve got a job to do, which is, let’s get these kids in the car, we’ve got to go to the store, we’ve got to get these things, here’s our list.

Why are you veering off the list? Why are you going down that aisle? We have no time. We have to get the baby back for a nap. Like yeah, I tend to be a little bit militant when it comes to these kinds of things, because I just know what needs to be done, and I can see the time, and I can see how much time we have.

So yeah, that is me all the way. I try to be more go-with-the-flow, but that’s just, that’s just me. And I’ve accepted that. So I’m thinking, like, how is this all going to work when we have a newborn? And when we have three kids to balance, really.

How Will Maggie Feel?

And also, Maggie is 18 months right now, and she’s very clingy. It’s getting a little bit better, but she’s still like mommy, mommy, mommy, like if I walk away, if I go upstairs, it’s like, where are you going? If you’re leaving the house, mom, no, that is unacceptable. So I’m like, how is she going to feel when there’s a baby here, and the baby is always with mom, so often with mom, feeding and otherwise, cuddling, whatever.

How is Poor Maggie gonna feel? Because right now, she’s my baby. It was the same with Ellie; Ellie was the same age when I was pregnant with Maggie at the same time (so they’re gonna be like, well-spaced apart). But it was the same way I felt with Ellie. Like, she was my baby at the time. What the heck? Now I’m going to have this new baby named Maggie (or, I didn’t know that at the time). And how is Ellie going to feel? So now I’m feeling that about Maggie.

So I know that will change, I know that they will get used to it, it’ll be a new dynamic, it’ll be fine. But there is going to be that learning curve for me, and for them. And there will be a transition phase, and I’m anxious about that. But I’ll get into that later.

Being Attentive & Fair

The next thing I’m thinking about is being attentive, so it kind of goes along with what I just said. Being attentive and supportive of each of my kids, and being fair and even. I try to keep it even as much as I can, in the time I spend, and the attention I give, to each one. So I’m really thinking about how important that is to me, and how I’m going to continue to do that. So I’m worried that my older two will feel left out or like, mom isn’t available for me, or doesn’t want to play with me anymore. Like, that breaks my heart to think about that. And so I don’t want them to think that, I don’t want them to think…

And that was my oldest one, Ellie, just leaving my room. So if you heard a door close, that was her. So she was downstairs…she snuck up. But anyway, she may come in again, we’ll see.

So I’m worried that yeah, Ellie and Maggie will feel left out. Or like, mom doesn’t want to play with me; she’s always with the new baby. Like, what’s going on? Why am I not as important? Why is the baby taking all of her attention and (seemingly) all of her love? So I really, really think about that. That is, like, a huge thing on my mind.

Third Baby’s Sleep… and Therefore Ours

Another thing that I’m anxious about is the baby’s sleep, and therefore ours. How will it be? Because right now – actually, funny enough, right now, Maggie and Ellie are in a weird sleep phase. Maggie’s getting better, so she’s not really calling me as much. But it’s still up in the air whether or not she’s gonna wake up and call for me until I have to go in, as opposed to falling back asleep.

Ellie, our oldest, she’s three, she really has been calling us a lot lately, needing us to be there when she falls asleep, like outside of her room. We’re really trying to keep up with not adding in these “bad habits”. And you may, you know, have your own thoughts about that, but we don’t want to introduce these habits where we have to be inside her room, we have to be right by her bed, for her to fall asleep.

We don’t want that. We want her to still be an independent sleeper, and be comfortable doing that. But it’s like she hasn’t been comfortable lately like she’s needed us there. There’s fear, there’s her imagination running wild. So oh my goodness, that has been happening in the last few months.

But that aside, so beyond those two things, the girls’ sleep is very routined. We know what to expect (except for this crazy phase right now), and it’s like, what’s going to happen when this newborn baby is here? How will his or her sleep be? And therefore how will my sleep be? How will our sleep be? And it’s just something that you have no idea until they get here.

The Girls Sharing a Room

And I’m also wondering, how is it going to be when our third baby is six months old? And moves to… I’m going to say their own room. It’s not correct to say that, I know; you should say his or her own room. But we don’t know what the gender is going to be; we’re not going to find out, and so just to save some time, I’m going to say “their” when I am talking about them. Okay. So, I know, a little aside, because I’m like, really – what is the word? I really care about saying things properly, and writing things properly. So I’m like, if I’m not doing it properly, and I know that, I need you to know that I know. Okay. Now we know.

So, we are thinking – I’m thinking, especially – how’s it going to be when Ellie and Maggie have to share a room when baby is six months old, and they move to their own room? So we have three bedrooms in our house right now. Ellie has one, Maggie has one, and we have one. So when the baby is born up until they are six months old, they’re going to sleep in our room for sure, bassinet beside the bed. That’s what we did with the girls and it worked out. Then, when they’re six months old, they’re going to go to their own room.

So how is that going to look?

They’re going to go to Maggie’s room, and Maggie is going to go into Ellie’s room. They’re going to share that room. I think it will be fine. I think maybe it’ll actually help how Ellie’s sleep has been, because she’ll have Maggie there with her. But I’m like, Maggie typically sleeps SO well. How is it going to be when Ellie’s in there with her? Is she going to keep her awake? Will Ellie keep Maggie awake? Is Maggie going to keep me awake? Like, these are usually the things that I think about because sleep to me is so important. And it’s something that I really, really pay so much attention to, and I have ever since Ellie was born, literally.

So like, over three years now, I have been focusing on sleep, and having my girls get the best sleep they can and therefore we can, and therefore everyone’s happier. And I can be a better mom, because that’s just what I believe is true. I mean, it is true. If I get a good sleep, I am a better human being. Period. I’m happier, I’m more patient, I’m more fun, as a mom, as a person. And it’s just so important to me. So I’m like, how’s it going to be when they have to share a room? Okay, so that’s the sleep anxiety that I have right now.

From One Nap Back to Three

And the next thing is, okay, it’s also about sleep. But I’m thinking about how Maggie’s sleep right now is so routine; she has one reliable nap per day. And now we’ll be going back to three naps a day, after the newborn stage of sleeping any time and all the time, of course. So once the baby gets down to three pretty established naps, it’s, like, it’s harder to plan activities. And believe me, I’m a homebody; I’m fine with that.

It’s more Miguel, my husband, who’s like, okay, so we have to plan our life around naps? Cool. He gets it, he’s okay with it, typically. But I feel bad because he wants to do these fun activities, and I agree! Even just going to the mall and walking around. I’m like, you know what, we don’t have time, because baby is going to be out and it’s going to be his nap time, and then we have to get home in time for that. But we can have a car nap blah, blah.

That is how I am.

I’ve already said this. So it’s just the truth. And so it is harder to plan activities, and I want to be home for their main nap. My other girls have been really good car nappers, and so I’m hoping this one is also a great car napper. But regardless, for the two-hour-or-so nap in the afternoon, I’d love to be home for that. Because then we’re not all stuck in the car. When everyone has to be quiet because baby’s sleeping. It was fine when it was just Ellie. And it was actually fine when it was Maggie sleeping for that long if we happened to be in the car, because Ellie was also napping at the time.

She is no longer napping, hasn’t been for about a year now, if you can believe it. She stopped napping early. I tried everything; she was just not an ongoing napper. But now I’m like, oh, how’s it going to be with going back to this crazy nap and sleep schedule with a newborn, or with an older baby? What about then?

[Ellie, my 3-year-old, came back into my room as I was recording…]

No gloves? No diapers and my bags around?

Okay. Thanks, honey. I’m getting close to being done, and then I’ll come find you.

Person in the bedroom? Yeah, can, can you show me how to put them in piles?

Okay, I’ll come help after I’m done.

Can you put them in piles? Yeah, ’cause I get a crazy mess and like…

Okay, thank you very much for telling me.

… to organize my room.

Okay. Love it. I’ll meet you in your room. Okay, I love you. I’ll see you soon. And you close the door, by the way. Almost. Quietly. Thanks, baby. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, thank you.

Sorry about that. I edited out some of that. Or I should say, I will edit out some of that. But yeah, so there we go. She’s playing in a room and she just comes back and gives me reports on what’s happening and what I have to help her with after.

The Birth

Okay, let’s fast forward to the birth, and I’m of course thinking about how will that go? Will I be able to have a natural vaginal birth like I did with Maggie? With Ellie, I had an epidural. You can hear all about that in episode 16, so give that one a listen. But I really want to try for having a natural birth again, and a vaginal one, which I did twice.

And I also wonder, will I be able to feel the natural contractions come on this time, or will I have to be induced again? Which I was with my other two. So I’m just wondering, like, there’s so much unknown. Of course, there is. There’s unknowns until third baby is here. And then there’s unknowns, like, there’s no way of predicting it. But I can do everything I can to try for the same kind of thing happening.

How Will My Girls Be While We’re at the Birth?

But I’m just wondering, like, how is it going to go? And another part of the birth that I am thinking about, is, I’m hoping that Ellie and Maggie will be okay, and will sleep well, so they’ll be happy (especially Maggie), when I leave. As I’ve said, she’s not great right now. I mean, she‘s getting better, but she’s going to be missing me.

So I think, just like with Ellie, I have to plan in advance that she gets more used to me being away for longer periods. But I’m wondering, will they be okay? And will they sleep well, if a sleepover at Nana and Pa’s is necessary? (My mom and dad are Nana and Pa.) And we sleep over there as a family, so I already feel like, good, they’re happy in their beds, in their rooms. Love it. But is everything going to be okay when we are not a part of that?

And I know you might be thinking, you are crazy, girl, you think about all these things, it’s unnecessary, go with the flow, it’s fine. But this is me, and these are the things that I do think about and that do take space in my mind. So my getting them out to you right now is helping; that is a step toward being okay with it and accepting what will happen. So we will see if they have to have a sleepover there, is everything going to be okay?

Induction Again? Or Natural Contractions?

And then I wonder if I have to be induced. It actually is nice in the way that you typically have it in the morning; have the induction start in the morning. And with Ellie and Maggie, I had them by evening, so I stayed over in the hospital for one night, and I was good to go home the next day. So it was nice for planning purposes; with my other two kids, it would be nice to have an induction in that way.

But at the same time, I don’t want to need one. So now I’m like okay, well, if contractions do start naturally, what are the logistics? What do I do? Do I send my kids to my parents’ house right away? Do I have them stay home for a while while I’m labouring? Oh my gosh, I have two kids while I’m going through these early contractions. What do I do? Am I going to be labouring overnight? Like, all these unknowns, all these unknowns are in my head right now.

Our Family Dynamic with a third baby

I’m also wondering how the dynamic will change, because we’re so great right now as a family of four, like, we are well established. What will it look like when new baby’s here? I know, I know; it’ll get to be this new, awesome dynamic, I’m quite sure. But it’s weird to think of, just like it was when we were a family of three and I’m like, I don’t know, this new baby, yeah, what’s it gonna be like? Well, it’s amazing. So I know eventually, that’s exactly how I’m going to feel. But it’s like, right now, what? Change what we currently have, which is awesome? This is crazy. So that is definitely something on my mind. Just, you know, it’s up in the air. Like, I wonder how it’s gonna change. But it’s definitely something that I have thought about, and do think about.

My Overall Feeling About Our Third Baby

But honestly, overall, I am so excited. So having said all of that, because this is being real, this is being honest, and, like, these are all the things on my mind right now, and throughout this pregnancy, and thinking about before I got pregnant, like, these are all the things that I’m thinking about. So I wanted to be honest with you, like, it’s not all roses. I don’t know, what is that phrase? It’s not all… I feel like it’s something and roses, I can never remember when I’m teaching a class or when I’m recording; when I’m in this process already, I can’t really be creative, so I can’t think about what those things are. But as soon as I finish and I’m listening back, I’ll be like, oh, that’s what that saying, that I was trying to find out.

Anyways, I’m just gonna say roses. It’s not all roses.

But it is real. Like, this is going to be our entire life affected, for better or worse. Obviously, I’m assuming it’s gonna be better. But there are still so many thoughts and yeah, worries, anxieties, things that, unknowns, things that are unknown. And so I wanted to share them with you because these are real, my friend.

If you’ve had, well, if you’ve had one baby, you know what I’m talking about because your life completely changed in many ways. And if you’ve introduced a second, or if you’re currently pregnant with your second, you’re probably thinking a lot of these same things I’m guessing, and third and fourth and so on.

So I hope some of these have resonated with you, but I want to say that overall… so having said all these things, my overall feeling truly is excitement. Like, I’m so excited. And I’m still in disbelief that this is really happening and we’ll be a family of five. Like, we’re gonna have three kids! To me, this is crazy, just like it was when I was like, oh my gosh, I’m gonna have a kid! And then oh my goodness, I’m gonna have two! And I’m like, oh my gosh, we’re gonna have three! Like, there’s gonna be three little siblings for each other. And I’m so excited.

So I really am looking so forward to seeing the dynamic of all three kids together, and ultimately, the dynamic of all five of us together as a family.

Oh my goodness. And I’m also so excited to find out if it’s a girl or a boy. Like I mentioned, we’re not going to find out until he or she is here, just like with the first two; we just absolutely loved that surprise. I know it would be fun to know in advance; believe me, I would love to know right now if it’s a girl or if it’s a boy, you can talk to it in a certain way, or just say, you’re my son or my daughter or whatever.

But that’s okay. I’m willing to not have that in order to have this huge surprise at the end where Miguel gets to say, it’s a boy! Or it’s a girl! Or he’ll say the name of whichever. And I’m going to be like, oh my goodness! Just like he said, it’s Maggie! the second time around. And I was so convinced Maggie was a girl, but then right before he said “It’s Maggie”, I was so convinced that he was going to say it’s a boy. It’s [the boy name], which I will not mention, because it’s still the same boy name if we have a boy. And I won’t mention it only because I think it’s fun to wait ‘til he or she is here to find out the name.

So my guess for our third baby is: boy. But who knows? I was right with the girls, but it is also a 50/50 chance! So we’ll see.

Okay, my friend. If you’ve stuck with me thus far, thank you. Thank you for listening to my anxieties and my thoughts and my excitement. And if you have things to add, please do. If you have questions, or your own experiences, please send them my way. I’d love to hear them. I’m going to post this episode in my Facebook group, the New Mama Nation Community. Search for “new mama nation” on Facebook under “groups”, and you’ll find it. It’s a private group, so you request to join, and I will happily add you. Just find this post, this episode, this podcast episode post. And then that way we can keep all the comments and everything together. You can comment there under that post and give me all the things. I will talk to you next week. Have an amazing one. Bye!

Thanks for listening to the Love & Lettuce Podcast. To find out how to work with me and for more great info, check out newmamanation.com. This is Laura! Until next time, love and lettuce.