In a few days, my daughter is going to be 6 months old and I still can’t believe it. I’m currently reflecting on the fact that I. Am. A Mother. Like, what? And I get to say things like “my daughter”.

Clearly, I’m still in the “surreal” stage, and will likely be here for a while (if not forever).

Ellie was born on Monday September 3rd at 7:54pm, and like her mother, she had been in no rush. I was 2 weeks overdue, so we had a scheduled induction that morning. I had tried so many natural options (you name it, I probably did it) for inducing labour, but that girl was just not ready yet. I will say that on the Saturday night prior, I felt some mild contractions that were regular enough for me to think of it as early (EARLY) labour. They weren’t as regular by morning, though, but I was happy that at least my body was starting to prepare for the party that was about to happen.

The induction itself actually started on the Sunday morning, with the insertion of gel in the morning and of the foley catheter (um, a balloon inside my uterus) in the evening. Those were… interesting. Both caused definite contractions to begin and strengthen (especially the balloon).

We were sent home that night, and that’s when things really started to pick up. I continued to report them to Miguel as “mild” contractions, though, because I had no idea what to expect and how intense they might become. At one point, I did switch to calling them “moderate”, but I just really wanted to keep my mindset in the zone of “there is lots yet to come, and I am handling this well… I will be just fine”. And plus, I didn’t want to think of those contractions as strong since I assumed they’d become a lot stronger in time! (And that they did, that they did.)

At one point, I decided it might be time to call our doula (Melanie Farrell from Built to Birth, highly recommended!), but I still wasn’t sure if it was the best time for her to come or if we should wait it out longer, again since I didn’t know what to expect. She spoke with us over the phone and listened while I went through a contraction to try to get an idea of where things were at. We knew she would come at any point that we wanted her to, but we also knew that after 24 hours with us, she would likely be switched out for her backup, and obvi we wanted her to be with us through the whole thing if possible.

It was decided by all to wait it out and call back when things got more intense. We then called my mom to come over as we knew her presence would be comforting (for both of us!). I proceeded to lay on the couch for the next few hours, going from deep breathing and uber-focusing during contractions to trying to distract myself by telling them to keep the conversation going. At one point my sis-in-law, Leanne, called to ask if we needed anything, and I requested pineapple and watermelon. I knew I didn’t want anything heavy but needed to get some nutrients in me. It was nice to have her there to hang out with us for a bit, too.

So between contractions, there I was laying on the couch, eating from two large containers of fruit, and focusing on staying as relaxed as possible.

Miguel and I decided to try to get some sleep, knowing we would need as much as we could get. I stayed on the couch and he set up a couple blankets for himself on the floor beside it, and we managed to get in about 5 hours. Mind you, it was a broken sleep: the contractions would wake me up, and I had to pee often (well, that’s nothing new for me). I must say, it’s quite a feat to pee with a tube hanging out of you and taped to your leg (I’m referring to that balloon I mentioned earlier). And it’s true what they say… contractions that happen while sitting on the toilet are more intense… and they seemed to happen every time. Hey, progress right?!

The next morning, the contractions had subsided enough that I could shower and yes, put on makeup… I mean, why not? We called our midwife (Tamara Youngberg from Access Midwives… she’s amazing!!), and she told us to call the hospital and ask when we could get in for an induction. They said anytime would work, so why not 8am? Sounded good to us! I had a breakfast of champions (3 eggs – I needed easy-to-digest, nutrient-rich fuel!), and off we went.

On the way to the hospital, we blasted music and sang and danced it out. It’s such a surreal feeling to be driving somewhere where you know you’ll be meeting your baby. Like, we were driving there as the two of us, and we’d be driving home with a baby in the back seat, as this brand new family of three. Crazy.

I was about 4cm dilated when we arrived at the hospital, and Tamara (our midwife) decided to break my water and then start the induction. This consisted of an IV being inserted into my arm, and then Pitocin (a synthetic form of oxytocin) being introduced into my body on a slow and steady basis. The idea was that this would help my uterus begin contracting to start the labour process.

Miguel and I went for a (very slow and unsteady) walk around the halls of the maternity ward at Tamara’s recommendation. I would feel a contraction coming on and I’d go between holding on to his shoulders and swaying back and forth, and grabbing the railing on the wall and having him hold me from behind. Looking back, I feel like this was one of the most overwhelming moments, because the contractions were coming on faster and a lot more intensely. I had so wanted to stay as calm and in control as possible, but I felt that slipping away during some of those contractions… there were some tears for sure.

Melanie (our doula) arrived shortly after settling back in to our hospital room, yay! Honestly, I have to say that the first contraction after she arrived was immediately more tolerable. Must’ve been something to do with the amazing hip squeeze that she did (and continued to do during almost every single contraction for the entire labour!). Her presence was also very reassuring for both Miguel and me… we were just like, okay, we’ve got this. We also found that our midwife Tamara’s confident and compassionate approach helped us feel like we were going to be okay and all would be great. (I swear, having an amazing birth support team is SO important!)

About 7 hours after being induced (and having the Pitocin turned up to the highest level… every time I heard Tamara click the dial higher, I gave her a death glare 🙂 ), we all thought yeah, let’s check things out and see how the dilation is coming.

Oh, about 4.5cm. So, I had progressed about half a centimetre over the course of 7 hours. Ahhhhh. That was one of my fears, actually… hearing that hardly any progress had been made even though things had been feeling way more intense. Here it was, staring me in the face!

Apparently the reason baby hadn’t moved down much was because she was posterior, meaning that she was facing my front instead of facing my back. This was the opposite of the proper position for birth, and she was finding it tough to rotate into the correct position. For this reason, actually, I had this large ball (called a peanut ball) placed between my legs while laying on my side during contractions to try and help her into position. These were some of the most intense contractions by far!

Tamara told us we had a couple of options:

1. We could keep going as we had been, waiting it out to see if baby could get unstuck on her own.
2. I could get an epidural to help relax my uterus, which could help baby rotate and move on down.

Uhhhhhh. My first thought was, oh man, I SO didn’t want an epidural. Okay, actually my first thought was, whatever is best for my baby. But in keeping with that mindset, I really hadn’t wanted an epidural. It wasn’t about being superwoman; I feel that giving birth to a baby in any way qualifies a woman to have that title… but it was just my desire to have her in the most natural way possible. I mean, I hadn’t previously taken medication in about 13 years (except for when I was throwing up in San Francisco shortly before boarding a plane, but that’s another story). I virtually always opt for natural remedies, so why would I want my labour and birth to be any different?

I asked Tamara what she thought I should do; with 25 years’ experience and thousands of births under her belt, I truly trusted her opinion and just needed her to tell me what to do. Besides, I’m a libra and am indecisive at the best of times, so I knew I needed help at that moment.

Her answer: “I think you should do it.” She felt that while there was a small possibility of baby getting into position on her own, it was more likely that after going through many more hours of labour, I could end up needing a c-section. And since that was something I definitely didn’t want, and because Tamara had suggested it was a good idea, I said yes to the epidural.

Turns out it was a fantastic decision. Just 2.5 hours after receiving it, Tamara checked to see where we were at, and I was fully dilated! In fact, she could already feel baby’s head, in position and ready to make the final descent. She told us we could feel it, too, which we did, and it was SO cool and so amazing.

It was time to push! Since there was some meconium at this point in my water (which hadn’t all come out at once), the respiratory team had to be in the room on standby to do a quick check of baby’s lungs to make sure all was good once she was born. I barely even noticed them there.

I asked Tamara if she could bring in a mirror because I really wanted to watch it happen. Yup, I’m one of those. 🙂 Well, she came back with a huge one, complete with floor stand and everything. Melanie (our doula) held one leg, Miguel held the other (and a camera), and we all stared at the mirror.

Well, about 12 pushes later, there was baby!!! And (as you already know), it was a girl!!! We hadn’t wanted to find out until that moment, and I’m so happy we made that decision. I remember Melanie looking at me and saying, “You have a daughter!” What a surreal feeling, and moment, and day, and really, entire experience.

Yes, I needed stitches (and actually, that recovery was more intense than labour in my experience), but I wouldn’t change any part of anything. After all, that was the beginning of Ellie’s life story, and it was nothing short of amazing. When I look back on those couple days, I feel this overwhelming sense of excitement, and love, and wonder… and seriously every single happy emotion you can think of.

I have to give a huge shoutout to my husband, Miguel. He is a natural worrywart and gets anxious as soon as he enters a hospital. Well, combine the birth of his daughter with the fact that that’s exactly where we were, and I pictured what could’ve been a very anxious situation. But, he proved to be just the opposite; he was cool, calm and collected. And even more, he was supportive, reassuring, and basically my rock throughout the entire journey. Even when I couldn’t tell him what I needed, he seemed to know exactly what to do.

I love every part of our story, and I love that we now have this beautiful baby girl that we get to call ours for the rest of our lives. Life as we knew it will never be the same again… and we couldn’t be happier.