The Comparison Game: Part Two

I’ve written before about the comparison game that we mamas love to play… but that was a very different type than the one I’m writing about today. To find out what that other one is that I speak of, click here for Part One.

Today, let’s talk about how we so often compare ourselves to other moms and believe they’re doing it better somehow. Because you know we’re all doing it, right? Often without even realizing it.

Take this Comparison Game Scenario:

You see another mom in your social circle and you think, wow, Tina is so put together! Her clothes match, her hair is clean, and she’s even wearing makeup. And man, does she have good style. I only wish I could put an outfit together half as well as she can. Oh and does she get botox between her brows? Because she has ZERO lines and meanwhile I have this annoying one that makes me look like I’m in a constant state of anger. And I bet she works out. She must work out because she is so FIT! And look at her toddler. He is like THE most well-behaved child I’ve ever laid eyes on.

And she’s talking about all these fun and developmentally perfect (or maybe she said appropriate but she might as well have said perfect) activities she sets up for him every day. Every DAY! And she’s telling me this as she breastfeeds her baby, which looks like it comes so easy for her. And I stole a glance at her belly (because that’s what you do) and she has not ONE HINT of a mommy pouch! Like, Tina! How?! Your baby is 3 months old! And on top of everything else, she’s showing me pictures of her new house and omg it is so CLEAN! It’s organized and doesn’t have any piles of laundry anywhere! Uhhhh, TINA! You’re so perfect!! WTF am I doing wrong?

Now, let’s take a deep breath together. (Literally, I just took a deep breath as I finished writing that.)

That is a lot of comparison, a lot of negative self talk. A LOT of putting yourself down while sizing her up.

Let’s start by saying this is totally normal; we as humans have a natural tendency to see others and what they’re doing as the “right” and best thing, while we don’t have a clue. And while there’s nothing wrong with a little inspiration as to how we might improve certain areas of our life (I mean, that’s why Pinterest was invented… right?), I believe that over-comparing ourselves to others can be emotionally and mentally toxic.

Here’s the Problem

We start to believe that because they appear to be more put together than us (in their life, their hair, their parenting… in everything), that they are somehow better than us. And then we start to change ourselves in pursuit of their apparent perfection, all the while dulling who we really are and living a less-than-authentic life.

This doesn’t seem like a very enjoyable way to show up for life, at least to me. I mean, how fun does it sound to never be satisfied with your life and always looking toward others to show you the best way to be?

Not very, if you ask me.

And yet, this is exactly what is happening to so many of us. And it’s often on a subconscious level; we don’t even know we’re doing it.

So What Should We Do?

First off, I call time out, game over, the end. I’m pulling the plug on this unfair treatment of ourselves, and am instead calling on us to turn our observation inward. In other words, observe YOU, how you rock that messy bun and those sweatpants. How you have the MOST fun just watching your kid(s) play, structured activities or not. Or how that’s actually NOT your most favourite thing, and that’s cool too! How you always get food on the table and therefore nourishment in your family’s bods. How you treat your body well, even if there are some things you feel you could improve upon.

So, do I think we should look to others for inspiration? Oh yeah. Motivation? Absolutely.

But should we look to others to then look poorly at ourselves, to feel ashamed at the way we do things, the way we look, the way we live? Nope. No way, no how. That stops today.

Are You Stuck in the Comparison Game?

Do you find yourself comparing your life (or body, style, parenting, etc.) to that of other moms? Will you make a commitment, here and now, to make a conscious effort to do it less? If so, write it below! Give power to your commitment by writing it down.

All the power to you, mama. Tina may be great, but you’re a freaking rockstar.