Breastfeeding a Newborn When You Still Have a Toddler

How do I keep my firstborn feeling special and important when I’ll be spending so much time with my newborn? And how the heck do I do it logistically? Laura is diving in to all of this and is also going to, randomly, talk about the nipple shield, because it’s been something that’s helped her tremendously in her breastfeeding journey.

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5 Non-Typical Things To Do Before Baby Arrives
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Transcript

You’re listening to the Love & Lettuce Podcast, episode number 14. Today I’m talking about something I hadn’t even really thought about before having my second baby. Breastfeeding a newborn while I still had my toddler.

How would I keep my firstborn feeling special and important when I’d be spending so much time with breastfeeding my newborn?

And how the heck will I do it logistically? I’m going to be sitting on the couch nursing for potentially hours each day… how do I keep my toddler entertained and happy while doing that?

I’m also going to (randomly) talk about the nipple shield, because it’s been something that has helped me tremendously in my breastfeeding journey, with both girls actually. Let’s go!

Hey, this is Laura Lima, holistic nutritionist and founder of New Mama Nation and host of The Love & Lettuce Podcast. I am here to help mamas know what to eat to give them energy and help them feel fantastic so they can better enjoy life with their littles. And remember, this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not replace medical advice from your healthcare provider. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition. As always, please consult your healthcare provider to find out what is right for you. With that said, let’s get to the show!

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I am so excited to talk about all of this stuff today and share my thoughts and experiences with you. I just want to start by saying that I’m not a lactation consultant. But rather, I wanted to talk today about my own personal experiences with breastfeeding a newborn while, well, I still had a toddler.

As far as breastfeeding itself, I was lucky that it came pretty easily for me and my girls.

But I did go to see a lactation consultant with my first, Ellie, and she helped me hugely. And actually even before that, on a recommendation for my midwife, while still in the hospital. Actually, shortly after birth, I started using a nipple shield. And that was probably the best thing I could have done as far as getting breastfeeding established and taking so much stress off of me. Knowing that my baby was being fed, and I could do it without having to call the nurse in every time I went to feed.

I’ll actually be talking more about the nipple shield later in the episode, because based on conversations I’ve had with my doulas and mom friends. It’s not as commonly used as I would have thought, based on how well it worked for me. And still does actually, since I’m still nursing Maggie, my second. And yes, I still use a shield. So I lovingly call both of my girls my “shield babies.” And well, we’ll get more into that later.

My biggest concern when breastfeeding Maggie, as a newborn, was keeping Ellie, my then almost two-year-old, entertained.

Making sure that she’d be busy enough that she wouldn’t run off so I’d have to get up and follow her because yes, she wasn’t quite two yet. But it was really that I wanted to keep her entertained, and, you know, happy during those nursing times. Which could be long, obviously.

But it was more that I wanted her to feel connected to me still. I mean, like it would always just be her and me watching the show together. Playing together, colouring together. And now here, not only is there this new baby, but this new baby gets to connect with mama physically and emotionally while breastfeeding and via breastfeeding. She gets that comfort and closeness that Ellie can witness, that Ellie is not getting.

So in my eyes, and maybe this was just my mom heart thinking things…

But I do think it has some truth to it. There was this huge chance of her feeling alone and disconnected from me and sort of… left behind. And oh my gosh, I can’t even bear to think of that. And I especially couldn’t when those postpartum hormones were running through my veins.

But, there was also the logistical part of wanting her to stay close by so I didn’t have to keep getting up and following her with my newborn attached to my boob. Sometimes I would turn the TV on during nursing sessions. I would encourage Ellie to come snuggle with me and the baby. And that was really nice to have that closeness with her while nursing the baby. 

Having that closeness as the three of us was amazing.

And other times I would encourage her to play with a specific toy, “Hey, Ellie, go grab your picnic basket, and let’s have a picnic!” So she’d be busy setting that up and handing me a plate, a cup. Things that I could grab with one hand and play along.

Other times, we’d read a book together, which at her age still meant flipping through really quickly even before I finished reading what was on each page, but that’s okay. The point was that she was entertained, and often still interacting with me.

Overall, I think what helped was having in my mind that list of things that she could do while I’d be nursing. So I knew what toys she loved at the time that I could suggest she go get and bring back to play with. And I had those books on hand. I always had the remote close by in case a TV show was in order… and believe me, it often was!

Now, as for the connection with her, a big part of keeping that connection, that closeness with your toddler, at least for me, is to make sure you give them your undivided attention for a certain period of time each day. No phone, no work, no newborn (so maybe while they’re napping)… no distractions whatsoever.

Let your toddler lead the play and just allow yourself to get into it wholeheartedly. I really do find that when I purposely do this with Ellie, well, first of all, I feel better as a mom, knowing that I’m giving that to her, and spending that time with her. But I also feel that she seems more satisfied overall. She loves her independent play, and she isn’t always asking me, “Can you play with me? Mama, can you play with me, mommy?” I mean, she still does; don’t get me wrong. But it does seem to be a lot less since having this uninterrupted time with her.

As far as how long to have this time for each day, honestly, I’ve heard that 15 minutes is the magic number. And that isn’t even that long; we could all incorporate that into our day, I’m almost positive.

So that, to this day actually, is something I found to be really helpful in keeping that bond strong with Ellie, even with another kid in the house (who is now 18 months old, by the way).

Now, another thing to think about for many mamas is the fact that they’re still actually breastfeeding their toddler, and now they’ve added a newborn to the mix. That’s a whole other ballgame for sure, and one that I didn’t have to navigate. I was actually quite prepared to do it, but Ellie weaned herself at 17 months, when I was 6 months pregnant.

I had heard it was a common thing for a toddler to wean while mom is pregnant, since the taste of the milk changes, and possibly some other hormonal factors. But I was like, not Ellie; she loves it too much. But alas, it happened.

I started noticing that she was less interested in feeding, and she would feed for less time than usual. And then eventually, she would refuse it altogether when I offered. She was just basically like, no, mom; I’m done.

Now, I wasn’t upset by that, because it was her choice. And honestly, that was something I was most concerned about going into breastfeeding, thinking about the time when, if for some reason I chose to stop, I felt so sad for her, because maybe she wasn’t ready to. So that really worked out for the best since it was her choice, and I was totally fine with that.

I mean, I definitely was emotional when I looked back to our whole breastfeeding journey, simply because so many of our memories together included me nursing her. But overall, the fact that she was done with it, it was okay with me.

So having said all of that, I don’t have any personal experience with what’s called tandem breastfeeding (nursing your newborn while still nursing your toddler). But I know that many moms do it and it can work out really well. I just don’t have advice to give based on my own experience.

One thing that I had been told, though, so I was prepared to do it, and it makes perfect sense, is offering your newborn milk first every time so that they get all of the nutrients and antibodies needed for them, and then having your toddler feed afterward, or even while your newborn is napping or whatever. And actually, having your toddler still nursing when you have a newborn could really help with engorgement… just saying!

But yeah, I didn’t get there, so I don’t have my own experience to share with you there.

Okay, let’s talk about the nipple shield. My little shield babies, Ellie and Maggie. Honestly, it has been an absolute lifesaver with my entire breastfeeding journey. Like seriously, it has.

After I had given birth to Ellie, my first, I was attempting to nurse her, and as is so common, obviously, we were having some issues.

That was when I discovered that I actually had somewhat flat nipples, at least when it comes to breastfeeding a newborn.

She was having a really hard time latching on, because there wasn’t much to latch on to.

So my midwife said, I know that sometimes it’s frowned upon (since I guess it can decrease milk supply in some women) but do you want to try a nipple shield? I was like, what? That’s a thing you can do?! I mean, I had seen them at the store, obviously. But I honestly thought it was just for comfort. Like if your nipples were particularly sore, you use the shield, and it’s a bit more bearable. And yeah, it definitely helps there too. But oh my goodness, if you have flat or even inverted nipples, then I highly, highly recommend trying out a nipple shield.

Almost immediately, Ellie latched on, and she happily started feeding. I felt like a success rather than a failure, because I had been trying not to feel that way. But it creeps up, for sure. And we were able to do this nursing thing together with ease.

Fast forward to Maggie’s birth, almost two years later.

I wanted to try nursing without the shield, because I figured, I’ve done a lot of breastfeeding by now, maybe my nipples are better equipped at this point. Like, maybe they’re more latchable or whatever. So I gave it a good try, but I was finding the same as the first time around; it was really hard for her to latch.

So out came the nipple shield, which was already packed in the diaper bag, just in case. And immediately, I was like, boom, done. Thank you, nipple shield manufacturers, and midwife for recommending it in the first place.

So even though things were going well with nursing Ellie, I still decided to go to a lactation consultant to see about getting rid of the shield because, well, I figured that it must not be needed long term.

I mean, our bodies were made for this, right? And the shield didn’t always exist, so what the heck?

These were my thoughts at the time, but I’ve since changed my tune. If there’s something that can help out, even with what we think of as the most natural thing like breastfeeding, then use it, implement it, utilize it. And don’t be ashamed or feel guilt in any way that you have to use this  “helper” because honestly, it can mean the difference, in this case, between being able to feed comfortably or at all, and not being able to feed comfortably or at all. Like, it really did make a huge difference for me right away. And it has not changed since.

Anyway, so I was able to nurse Ellie without the shield after getting some help from the lactation consultant; I was. But it was just never as comfortable as I felt it should have been based on my intuition, my mom feelings, whatever. So I didn’t stick it out. I decided that she would be my shield baby, and that was that.

So besides me feeling like “I shouldn’t need this,” I had heard that using the shield can reduce your supply. But luckily, that never happened to me, and still hasn’t. So there you go!

Oh, and one more thing about using the breastfeeding shield.

There are instructions for sort of bending it in a certain way, applying it to your boob and then letting go. So it almost creates like a suction, and it stays on there on its own. I did that a few times, but honestly, even with my newborns, I would just hold it with one hand while they latched and then let go, and it stayed in place. Just a little expert nipple shield tip since, yes, I now consider myself an expert after having used it multiple times a day for almost 3 years, minus a few months when Ellie weaned.

That was a long aside about the nipple shield, but I thought it was necessary because I feel like other moms need to know about this option and how much it can help. I feel like it’s sometimes frowned upon, especially using it long term. But it should not be. In fact, it should be thought of as the lifesaver that it can truly be. So there you have it. My thoughts on breastfeeding a newborn while you still have a toddler. And really just my thoughts on breastfeeding in general. I’d love to hear your own experiences as well, so please don’t hesitate to send me a DM on Instagram @lauraannlima. I would love to hear from you. Talk to you next week.

And don’t forget to get your free copy of my New Mama Energy Guide. Just go to bit.ly/newmamas for instant access. Thanks for listening to The Love & Lettuce Podcast. To find out how to work with me and for more great info, check out newmamanation.com. This is Laura! Until next time, love and lettuce.