Epidural vs. Natural Birth: My Two Experiences

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Links Mentioned

New Mama Energy Guide
Ellie’s Birth Story
Maggie’s Birth Story
Access Midwives
Laura’s Instagram
New Mama Nation Community FB Group

Transcript

You’re listening to The Love & Lettuce Podcast, episode number 16. Let’s talk childbirth, and specifically, the age old question: to have the epidural or not to have the epidural. Epidural vs. natural. I am giving you my personal experiences with having had an epidural with my first, and choosing not to with my second. Can’t wait to give you all the deets.

Hey, this is Laura Lima, holistic nutritionist and founder of New Mama Nation and host of The Love & Lettuce Podcast.

I am here to help mamas know what to eat to give them energy and help them feel fantastic so they can better enjoy life with their littles. And remember, this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not replace medical advice from your healthcare provider, and is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition. As always, please consult your healthcare provider to find out what is right for you. With that said, let’s get to the show!

Could you use more energy, mama? I mean, who couldn’t, right? Get my free New Mama Energy Guide, where I’ll give you 10 tips to increase your energy stat. Go to bit.ly/newmamas to get your free copy. 

My Obsession with Labour & Birth: Epidural vs. Natural

There’s not a whole lot, besides nutrition and health, I suppose, that I love talking about more than childbirth. I absolutely love diving into everything to do with labour and birth. Especially the age-old question: Epidural vs. Natural. It’s one reason I’ve considered, on more than one occasion, to become a birth doula, actually. Haven’t done it, at least yet; you never know what the future might bring!

But yeah, the minute I hear the term “birth story” mentioned, I am all ears. If someone says, “I’ll spare you the details,” I’m like, no, tell me everything! Tell me all the details! I don’t know, it’s just something I’ve always been super interested in. Side note: I also considered becoming a midwife before I got into nutrition, but ultimately decided that nutrition was the best thing for me, and what I most wanted to focus on. But my huge interest in pregnancy, labour and birth, and the postpartum period, remains.

So now that I have two birth stories of my own to share, you better believe that I am so happy to tell them to anyone who will listen. Anyone who actually wants to know, because that’s obviously a key factor here. I wrote my full birth story for each of my girls on my blog, so if you’re like me and want the full details, then you can read each of those. Just go to newmamanation.com/elliegwen for Ellie’s, and newmamanation.com/maggiemarie for Maggie’s. 

Epidural vs. Natural Birth

Today, I’m going to focus more on the epidural vs. natural aspects. It is probably the question I get the most from other mamas in the months leading up to their births. First off, it is absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, each woman’s choice whether she chooses epidural vs. natural. And in fact, for every part of her pregnancy and birth, all of those decisions are hers to make. I just wanted to start by saying that before giving you my experiences, because no matter what I chose, or what happened in my particular stories, each person and body and story is unique, and each person should feel fully confident in making her own decisions.

So with that said, let me give you my experiences. I can’t wait to dive in.

Ellie’s Birth with an Epidural

Okay, so yeah, as I’ve now told you already, I’ve experienced both a birth where I got an epidural, and one where I did not. For the sake of this episode, we will call it epidural vs. natural. So for my first, Ellie, who is now just over three years old, I had gone into it thinking, okay, I’m open to what I need to do. And what I decide to do in the moment, I will do and I’m okay with it. 

Epidural vs. natural? I knew I wanted to try for a natural birth, i.e. no epidural. But I was okay if I was like, you know what, in the moment, I need it, let’s go. So I was okay with that. But I did want to try for a natural birth. Actually, I should give you the backstory for both of my girls. I got induced. (So if you want to be like, actually, Laura, that wasn’t a totally natural birth with Maggie, because you had pitocin, that drug. That is true.) But we’re just talking about epidural now. I just wanted to get that out of the way because some people might say, well, it wasn’t totally natural.

I was induced…

Anyway, so I got induced for both girls because I was overdue, and we’re talking, I was a week and five days overdue with Ellie, and a week and four days with Maggie, so it was like, they were comfy, they were not wanting to come out anytime soon, so it seemed. And so for safety reasons, and I talked to my midwife about it, we decided, yes, let’s make this happen.

And honestly, I will talk about this in another episode, because this is another question I get a lot, or a question I hear a lot as well, is, I don’t want to be induced. I’m so nervous that the contractions are going to be so much worse, and oh my gosh, I don’t know. And I wouldn’t actually know what natural contractions feel like without pitocin. So I can’t give you that comparison. But I can’t wait to dive into that with you in general on another episode. But today we’ll talk about epidural.

Okay, so I had to get induced. And that was because, yeah, both girls were overdue. And so yeah, I had heard that these contractions are going to be super strong, right from the get go. It’s like going from zero to 100. And I guess I did experience that a little bit with Ellie, with my first, because I didn’t know what to expect. I mean, you don’t until you get there, right? And I remember being in the hospital, and again, in another episode I’ll talk about hospital vs. home birth. I chose a hospital in the end for both girls.

When the contractions started…

But yeah, we were in the hospital, Miguel and I. And I remember we did the walk around the hospital ward, the maternity ward. And I remember when the contractions started to hit, and this was just like the lowest dose of pitocin, and I was like, oh, my gosh, breathe, Laura. I cried a little bit because I was overwhelmed. I was like, oh my gosh, this is the beginning; what is to come?!

But honestly, I had to get my head in the game. That is where it lay for me. It was all about my mindset, and I really, I’ll talk about this when I talk about Maggie’s birth. But oh my goodness, the difference between having my mind in that right place, in the calm, relaxed, like, ready-for-this place, vs. this kind of overwhelmed, oh my gosh, I don’t know what to expect place. That honestly was like night and day for me, as far as my experience of contractions.

So it started off with Ellie, I was overwhelmed.

I was like, whoa, okay, I can do this. But holy cow, this is, this is big. This is a big sensation. And I also will tell you that I don’t like to talk about contractions as being painful. I know, everyone’s like, what? No, I like, I like to talk about them as, well, they’re sensations. They’re intense.

So yeah, the intensity certainly got a lot higher. But I don’t want to say the pain got so much more, because fear equals pain, and pain is something that causes you to become even more fearful, and it’s this vicious cycle. But if I think about intensity, like these are intense, but my body was meant for this… for me, that really changed the game.

So for Ellie, I was able to get into the right headspace after those first, maybe the first hour or so, of contractions. But yeah, every time I heard my midwife do the little “beep”, which meant that the pitocin was going higher, the contractions were going to come on stronger. Yeah, I was like evil eye, yeah. But I also knew that she’s here for me. She wants this to happen for me.

I knew I was going to have a baby, probably by the end of the day (but who knows when, right, but before I left the hospital) that I was going to have a baby. And I knew that my midwife was here for that, and ultimately here for me. So you know, I was like, pitocin higher again, no! But I knew that it was really for the best because the contractions have to get stronger in order for you to be fully ready to push… for the baby to get here.

I got better with it.

And fast forward about, I’m gonna say, six hours. And it’s funny because you can actually read my birth stories, so you’ll know better than I because I didn’t review this before talking today; I’m going by memory, which, we’ll see how well that goes. I’m going to say it was yeah, like five hours, maybe six hours later from when the pitocin started that I had reached this point where it was so crazy intense.

And I was on my hands and knees for a lot of the contractions; actually, it was like elbows and knees. So my abdomen was, like, pointing down, my head was pointing down, because… but I should also mention both babies were posterior facing, so they were essentially facing the wrong way. So that’s probably also why they were overdue; they just couldn’t, they were having trouble turning into my pelvis in the right way to get them started for the birth, the labour and birth process.

So because of their posterior position, I was on my elbows and knees for a lot of the contractions. And I have to say, those were the most intense with both girls, although also being on my side, having the peanut ball, which is like this huge, soft, but like firm, if you will, ball, you put it between your legs, to open your pelvis in a certain way, and you lay on your side, and oh my gosh, those contractions, especially with Ellie, were like, out-of-this-world intense. So those with Ellie were probably the strongest. And with Maggie, it was the ones where I was on my elbows and knees.

When the Elation Turns to Deflation

So with Ellie, I was finding, okay, this is like, super intense. What’s going on? Let’s get a check. So my midwife did suggest to check me, and I think I was only still at like, I think it was two or 3 cm. Yeah, I think it was 3 cm. And okay, the deflation, like, the complete deflating feeling, honestly, of, I’ve been going through these contractions that have been getting more intense and more intense, and you don’t know how far along you might be, you just hope that you are more dilated.

And to hear that you’re basically in the same position that you were eight hours ago is like, no!

What’s going on?! That, to me, the not knowing how long it would take, how much more intense that it would get, not knowing was the “worst” part of labour for me. That was the hardest part, not knowing, like, it’s such an intense and a test of endurance, really, it’s like a marathon, but you don’t see the finish line because you don’t know where it is. And so for me, the not knowing was, like, so tough to experience. So then when you get a check, and you’re like, oh, I’m still in the same place, I haven’t really gone much is like, crazy.

My midwife said, well, your baby’s heart rate is starting to be a little bit affected by the contractions, not much, but a little bit. So I’m going to, you know, keep my eye on that. And she said, here are your options: we can go through another few hours of these contractions, and because the pitocin, at that point, I think it was at the highest it could go. So she said, you can keep going through these contractions, let’s see if the baby’s able to turn on her own (because she was still not in the right position), or you can have an epidural, which will help to relax your uterus enough so that the baby will be able to get into the right position very likely. That is the ideal, like, that’s probably what would happen, I should say.

Epidural vs. Natural To get the epidural or not?

And so I said, I really didn’t want an epidural, I really just wanted to get through this as naturally as I could. But, I don’t want a c-section; I really, if anything, want a vaginal birth over a surgical birth, if you will, because of the recovery, because I thought, oh, I know that my body wants to do this vaginally, the way that I’ve always pictured it going. And of course, just like anything, if I have to get a c-section, of course I will, and I’ll be okay with that.

But if I have the decision now to choose an epidural, which will help to relax the uterus and get me more in a prime position for birth, for a vaginal birth, vs. not doing that and risking having to get a c-section later because baby’s being more and more affected by the contractions… well, my decision was epidural for sure.

So I said to my midwife, Tamara, who was amazing, by the way, Tamara Youngberg from Access Midwives in Hamilton, well Stoney Creek, amazing, love her so much. So, I said, Tamara, what should I do? She said, honestly, and knowing it’s my decision and all that, I just I trusted her and I just, you just need to tell me, what do you think? And she said, you know, I would do the epidural.

Her saying that was really, really helpful for me because, even though I still knew it was my decision, I needed her experience and her guidance, like 25+ years of birth experience, to tell me, based on what I have seen, Laura, in all of these years, I feel like this would be the outcome, and so I think you should choose the epidural. And she knew my thoughts on it, too. She knew I didn’t want it ideally. But I said, you know what, eff it, let’s do it.

What the Epidural was Like

So I did it. And the epidural itself, I gotta say, was, it’s hard to remember. It wasn’t as bad as I would expect, like a huge needle going right into your spine, but what I do remember from that was having to crunch over during contractions, and you have to stay absolutely still, because if you move, that could be very dangerous, of course, because it’s going into your spinal cord.

So that’s what I remember the most was like, oh, my gosh, and I actually said, okay, so I can’t move? Because I could feel a contraction coming on. And the doctor said, no. I was like, okay. But you know, I had my midwife there, I had Miguel there, and I even had my doula, which oftentimes, they don’t apparently let you have more than one support person with you, plus your midwife, of course. So the fact that I was able to keep my doula there was so amazing. So really, they all helped me get through it, and then it was done.

And side note, I will definitely talk about, in another episode, my decision to have a labour and birth doula, because, amazing decision. Okay, so I had the epidural, and I think within 20 minutes, maybe half an hour… oh, wow. Oh, wow, I could finally relax. It’s such a weird sensation, being able to watch the screen, knowing whoa, I’m having this huge contraction, this really, really intense contraction, but I can’t feel it. I felt a little bit of pulling and tugging, but that was it.

And I was lucky, because I know that a lot of women say they had the epidural and it only half worked. Or it didn’t work at all.

And oh my goodness, right? I couldn’t imagine that because you finally made the decision to do it, and you’re looking forward to being able to relax and just, like, get into the different kind of mindset of, like, okay, relax, let my body do its thing on its own. And then for it not to work at that point would be really, really, really hard; I couldn’t imagine. So my heart goes out to you, mamas, that that has happened to.

But by the way, if you haven’t had your baby yet, and you’re like, that happens? I don’t think it’s often. But of course, you just, you hear the stories, right? And so that was in my head. But no, it was so good. It was so good. And so I was able to go in the position that I should have been in, according to my midwife, Tamara, to allow the baby to turn properly, to get into the position in my pelvis.

I was ready to go…

And oh my goodness, within, I’m going to say it was an hour to no more than two hours, she checked me again, and she said, you are ready, mama. So 3 cm to 10 within one or two hours, because of the epidural, because it allowed my uterus to relax enough to have baby turn right into the proper position, so she could actually move down my pelvis.

So honestly, I thought, wow, that was 100% the right decision for me to have made, because who knows how much longer it could have gone on if I had chosen not to get the epidural. And who knows if I would have had to get a c-section, like, I mean, of course, we don’t know, we never will know. But it was just absolutely the right choice. So yeah, I was so happy with that. 

The Pushing Stage

The other thing about having had the epidural was the pushing. And I’ll talk about this when I get to Maggie’s birth, but the pushing for me with Ellie, I could feel it. I could feel the pressure, I could feel the ring of fire (when the baby’s crowning), but I didn’t feel it fully. And so it was such a weird sensation, being able to feel it but not, if you’ve had the epidural. And if that was your experience, you know what I’m talking about. So, so cool. And I also love that because I was more present as far as, not in the sensations, I was more like, I could kind of watch what was happening, if that makes sense.

Tamara at one point said, okay, do you want to come and feel your baby with your hand? And Miguel and I both felt baby’s head and we were like, oh my gosh, she’s so close! And I said can you get a mirror? Because I really want to watch and, like, watch her come out. Or we didn’t know if it was a her or him at the time. But I really wanted to watch baby come out; can you get the mirror? So she had this huge, like, stand-up mirror; it was hilarious. And Miguel was recording it.

Ellie’s Birth Bottom Line

And so it was just a really, really interesting and cool sensation or experience, to be able to be in the moment, like, be very present, but more from a mental perspective. Like, I’m watching this happen to my body. I’m in my body, yes, but because I’m not really feeling it fully, it was more of a mind being present. I don’t know; hard to explain. I hope that makes sense to you. So all in all, super happy with that decision and of course wouldn’t have changed it, knowing the outcome. 

Maggie’s Birth Without an Epidural

Fast forward two years, specifically 22 months, to Maggie’s birth. So I really, really again, wanted to have a natural birth. But with the option of an epidural, like, of course, if it needs to happen, quote “needs to happen”, it’s going to happen, and I’m going to be okay with that. But I really did a lot of research and reading and audiobook listening, and practice with my mindset, with my breathing and with my mind.

Fear – Tension – Pain Cycle

Because I knew that, again, fear equals tension. So you’re tensing without even realizing you are, and tension equals pain. So fear equals tension, tensing of the muscles, and the uterus is a muscle, which equals pain. And so I thought, okay, I’ve got to get the fear out of the game, out of the question. And with so much uncertainty in labour, even once you’ve done it once, there’s still uncertainty with your second, and I’m sure, third and fourth, and so on. With so much uncertainty, it can be tough to not allow that fear to come in. That’s where your mindset, that’s where your practice comes in, your practicing in advance, keeping yourself in the right frame of mind. That’s where that comes in.

So I did a lot of practicing, just staying focused on the here and now, trying not to think about, how much longer is this going to go on for, how much more intense will this get?

Can my body do this?

Like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. This baby coming out of my vagina, like, can I do this without, or with feeling it, like, without an epidural? And of course you can; this is what the body is designed to do. But oh, all those thoughts, right, are hard to get rid of, or hard to avoid. Especially if you don’t do this, this gearing up in advance, this getting ready for it. So I was really in the mindset.

So I was able to go through those contractions, even when they got super, super intense. And I was able to keep my mind calm enough and relaxed enough that it was able to keep my uterus relaxed enough to allow the contractions to do their thing. Because if you tense up, of course, it will be more painful, because now your uterus is trying to do its thing, but you’re, like, pushing against it, you’re like, no! You’re resisting it. But if you stay in that relaxed frame of mind, your muscles are able to stay more relaxed and open so that your body can do what it needs to do in order to get the baby to move into the proper position, and eventually push.

So oh man, it is a process, and it definitely was a process.

But again, just like with Ellie, I got induced in the morning around 10:00. And with Maggie, I had her just after 7:00 at night. With Ellie, it was, my gosh, of course you know it like off by heart and then you forget, I think it was just after 5 or 6 or something with Ellie. And it was just after 7 with Maggie. So yeah, what an experience.

So with Maggie, I was able to stay in that mindset better, like a lot more deeply. And even when I was on my elbows and my knees and it got so, so intense, and I was like, oh my gosh, can I take more? I was like, yeah, yeah, I can. This is okay, I’ve got this. And I got checked. So my water was broken by Tamara, because she thought it was best, right at the beginning. And man, like, yeah, contractions are intense, my friend, when you don’t have the epidural, even when you do oftentimes, yes. And I was able to be like, okay, okay, I’ve got this; we’re good.

So close to 10 cm

And then I remember getting checked, and this was about, I guess, was it seven, six or seven hours into it. And I got checked. Tamara said, oh my gosh, you are like nine and like three quarters, basically, cm, and I had to make it to 10. But what she said was, there was like one part of my cervix that was not opening enough. Like it was almost like, it had to get past that little part of the cervix, the baby’s head had to get past that part of the cervix, in order for me to be fully dilated.

So I was like, oh my gosh, what can we do? What can we do? Well, I have no idea but she’s like, okay, this is what we’re gonna do. Do you want me to get my hand in there and try to, as you’re having a contraction, move that cervix over manually? And I said, yes, I do. Because, my friend, when you are so close to 10 cm, and even if you’re not, when your midwife offers to, or your OB offers to do something that might just help you, you already are going through contractions, so who cares if there is a hand that is trying to manipulate something! It’s barely even felt, honestly. I said yes, do it.

And ready to push!

And so maybe it was three contractions later, and it worked. Oh my gosh, to be 10 cm dilated, and not having had the epidural, I was like, oh my gosh, I did it! Especially because I did it the first time, I got the epidural and that’s okay, and I was fine with it. But I was like, oh my gosh, I did it! And I remember I actually had to pee right before starting to push. I was like, can I just pee one more time? And they said, sure. I remember, I thought to myself as I was peeing, if that was the strongest that it’s going to get, because I’m already 10 cm. It was not “that bad”.

That was not as “bad” as I would have expected.

That was not as strong or intense as I would have thought because it was doable, because I was able to get through it. And here I am on the other side of dilation, fully dilated, ready to push, it’s like, oh my gosh. So I knew at that moment, I can do this. I did it, and I know I can keep doing it.

The other thing too, though, about getting to the place where you are going to be pushing is like, holy heck, I just went through all of that endurance with, and I put myself, you know, I got through it, and what a workout it is; what an endurance workout it is. And now I have to go through this other workout which is called pushing. And holy cow, it’s crazy because, and I wasn’t even in labour for as long as some mamas; some moms are in labour for 24, 36, 48 hours. And I can’t imagine because you, you need your sleep. You need your rest, to be able to fully put yourself into that pushing. So anyways, my hat’s off to you, mamas.

So I was gearing up, I was getting ready for the pushing.

And here it went, because I was like, okay, I don’t have any sort of pain suppressors, painkillers, and I’m about to feel everything as my baby comes out. Cool cool cool. Okay, let’s do this. So I still wanted the mirror, but it was more like, I don’t care. And it was more like, Miguel was filming, but I remember thinking, I don’t care if he doesn’t do it; it’s fine, it’s fine. It was, like, so intense being in that sensation. But I’m so glad now that I had the mirror and that he filmed because now I have it on film. But I just remember thinking, oh my gosh, this is so intense, okay.

I was, like, really on edge but trying to stay calm and focused and oh my goodness. So the second midwife came in, because as you are getting ready for the final pushing, your primary midwife calls up the backup and so you’ve got two of them, I guess one for the baby, one for the mama once baby is here and so on, and just, you know, teamwork.

Birth is Wild

It was just so insane. All I can say is, it was so insane. I was like an animal at some points because, just like fierce, like with my animalistic sounds. And I tried to keep it, and this was even during contractions, I tried to keep everything low, like low-sounding. (Think about a cow knowing, if you will.) Because if you go high, that’s when you tense up, but staying low keeps everything open. But yeah, some of those pushes, you, just, you feel like an animal. This is like a wild thing to do. We are wild animals when it comes to birth, and I think that is so cool.

Maggie’s Birth Bottom Line

But yeah, so the pushing didn’t last very long with Ellie, and it didn’t last very long with Maggie, and I’m very grateful for that for both of my girls. But yeah, what a crazy sensation, okay, to feel your baby coming down your birth canal. You feel it, you do, you feel it happen. And then you feel the crowning. And yes, it does burn, but it’s okay. Like, yeah, it burns, and they tell you it will… but it’s okay. Because it’s not forever, and it’s doable.

We do it, we get through it. And honestly, I can say, yeah, it’s crazy intense, but you get past it and it’s okay, like you can. And so, oh, it was just so crazy, and to feel, I keep saying this I know, but to be able to feel the baby coming down as the contractions were happening, and as I was pushing, was out of this world, like nothing else I’ve, of course, ever experienced. It was so so so cool. So she came out… amazing. Relief times infinity; for both girls, relief times infinity.

Oh right… the stitches

Now, I want to finish by saying one of the things that I was most apprehensive about, or afraid of actually, was getting stitches in my vagina, if I had to tear (which I did for both girls) without an epidural, because the one thing about the epidural is okay, great, ‘m going to be numb, so I won’t feel those stitches going in. Wonderful. And that was great. But with Maggie, I was like, oh my gosh, I’m gonna feel this. And like, yeah, you just had a baby, but like, now you want it to be done, right? And now they’re just like, oh, it’s just so irritating; you can feel this sensation. You’re just like, can you just finish already? But it was doable. And of course, you’ve got your baby on your chest, so you’re okay.

But they do use some kind of, like, a local painkiller. But that is inserted with a needle too! So, I mean, yeah, it is true, you’ve gone through birth. you can do it, it’s doable. But I just was like, come on, can this be done already? Even though I loved the experience, can we be done? But yeah, the stitches probably took, I don’t even know, 10, 15 minutes, and then it was done. And it was lovely and amazing.

What would I choose next time?

So all in all, my friend, having had an epidural birth and non-epidural birth, if I were to choose again, I would honestly choose natural; I would choose not to get the epidural, knowing everything, knowing the sensations, knowing the ring of fire, knowing the pushing and how, like, frantic I got with the pushing. But in between the pushes I was okay. It’s just a crazy out-of-body experience, but very much an in-body experience.

So what I mentioned with Ellie was, I was more like watching it happen to me, even though I was being present. But with Maggie, oh, wow, was I feeling it happen to me. So I was super present in that I could feel it all as I was going through it. So to choose again, I would choose natural again, if everything works out that way, because I loved being so present with it and truly getting to feel my baby coming out of me.

Maybe that’s nuts to you.

But maybe you’re like, no, mama, I totally get it. So there you go. I hope you’ve enjoyed listening to my experiences in my girls’ births. And if you’re currently pregnant and wondering which way it may go for you, I hope you’ve gotten some insights and maybe some clarity or perhaps reassurance either way. I would love to hear your experiences and questions too, if you have them.

You can DM me on Instagram @lauraannlima. Or better yet, join my natural motherhood community over on Facebook, and comment on this podcast episode. You’ll see it as one of the most recent posts in the group; put a comment there with your experiences, with your thoughts, whatever, and we will continue the conversation there. So just go to Facebook and search for “new mama nation” under “groups” and request to join, and I will see you there. Have an amazing day. 

And don’t forget to get your free copy of my New Mama Energy Guide. Just go to bit.ly/newmamas for instant access. Thanks for listening to The Love & Lettuce Podcast. To find out how to work with me and for more great info, check out newmamanation.com. This is Laura! Until next time, love and lettuce.