Breastfeeding My Daughter For The Last Time

I didn’t know it at the time, but I did have an inkling that it could be the last time breastfeeding my daughter. The day was February 10th, so about two weeks ago from the time of writing this blog post. Miguel had brought Ellie into our room after getting her out of bed in the morning, and she had milk for maybe 5 minutes or so. Then she was like, I’m out! And that’s how it’s been lately… having small amounts, sometimes not wanting it at all, and just basically seeming uninterested in it.

Ellie is 17 months old, and I never had a specific plan for when I would stop breastfeeding; I was basically ready to keep going until she decided it was time to stop (read: as long as possible). As you’ll read soon, I really did love it, and I also loved the immune and nutritional benefits I knew it was providing for her. And hey, since we were both happy with it, why not continue, right?

I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant with my second bean, and at the beginning I had read (and was told) that many toddlers wean themselves about midway through pregnancy. This could be because the taste of the milk changes, but who really knows. Maybe she would’ve weaned herself at this point anyway, but I really don’t think so… I mean, at the beginning of this pregnancy, she was still nursing like 3-6 times per day. I was like, oh no, she won’t be one of the ones who weans… she loves it too much.

But, it happened!

I’ve been giving her goat milk for a few months now in addition to the nursing, and she loves that too… so at least it was an easy transition there. Instead of our usual morning feed, we get her goat milk from the fridge and she’s a happy camper (same with bedtime and sometimes lunchtime, too).

How’s Ellie?

Oh, thriving! She’s loving life and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. It’s possible that she’ll want to nurse again once she sees her little brother or sister feeding, but she also totally may not. We shall see! (And hey, it wouldn’t hurt with the engorgement, am I right?)

How’s Mama?

I’m fine, although it definitely is an emotional transition for sure. Breastfeeding really is a bonding time, especially with a toddler (for me, anyway), since she’s always on the go and not likely to sit still with us for any length of time. So having her in my arms without her pulling to get away was a treat that I got to enjoy a few times a day. I even remember Miguel saying that to me a while ago, and I knew that he was right; I was super lucky.

The week prior to her being completely done with it, I was putting her to bed when the realization hit me that it was the first time I hadn’t offered her my milk at bedtime. This had been after about two months of her slowly wanting less and less, and the night prior she had cried when I suggested it… so I knew she was saying, mom, I’m done!

When that realization hit me of it being the first time I’d ever not offered it at bedtime, I started bawling. I actually had to text Miguel that I was crying “but I’m okay, lol” before coming into the family room so he wouldn’t wonder what the eff was happening, since when I left the room I had been totally fine and I didn’t want him to think something was wrong. I will say that there are both new(ish) mama PLUS pregnancy hormones at play, but no matter what, I always figured that this would be an emotional thing.

Yes, it may be the end of our breastfeeding journey together, but it’s also a sign that she’s growing up.

And I’ve never wanted to be sad about the stages that are over but it still sometimes gets to me. (Mama hormones are something, aren’t they?!) However, I like to remind myself to truly enjoy each stage as we experience it, rather than thinking about what’s to come or missing what used to be.

It was just that transition that I knew I had to go through… and one that I knew I’d be fine after going through it. It had been our routine for almost a year and a half, every single day, and I loved it… and this was a change.

Something else I’ve thought about is those (rare, thankfully) times when she wakes up in the middle of the night and won’t settle on her own. Those are the times when having a boob at the ready comes in handy! I’ve wondered whether grabbing a bottle of goat milk will be as soothing to her and do the same trick… I’m guessing it will, since she loves it now. Any thoughts there?

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Having said all of that, I was okay when I decided that she was clearly telling me she was done with it.

I had kept trying on the daily for the past couple of months and definitely noticed she was wanting it less and less. But yeah, when I knew she was done, I was okay with it.

Plus the fact that it had been her decision, not mine, actually made it a lot easier. I feel like it would’ve been a lot more difficult if I was the one saying, no sorry babe, no more. (Not that I think that’s wrong, so if that’s you, you go girl! But I’m just saying that for me, it’s easier emotionally that she had chosen when she was done, rather than me having to do it for her.)

I also see the benefits that other mamas talk about, which are all true, IMO. More freedom to be out on my own without having to pump (which I never did much of, anyway), more time to do other stuff, and just more ease in general because I hand her a bottle and say, see ya! Well, kind of… but you get the point. Plus, just because we don’t have that breastfeeding bonding time anymore definitely doesn’t mean that we spend any less time together, or that it’s any less special or enjoyable. I freakin’ love spending my days with her, and that hasn’t changed one bit.

A tough transition

So even though it was somewhat of a tough transition, and one that I know many mamas dread, I’m here to tell you that on the other side, it’s not so bad… and there’s actually a lot of joy to experience here, too.

Where are you at in your breastfeeding journey? Did you find it difficult going through the transition of weaning, or was it a piece of cake? Did you decide or did your babe? I want all the juice! Comment below.

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